A Moment Of Understanding
by tv'slasthope
Summary: A scene where Gregory House witnesses a side of Lisa Cuddy he does not normally see. Especially on a particular difficult day for her. The scene reveals much about Cuddy than House had ever seen before. The same about House to Cuddy as well.


**A Moment of Understanding**

**Main Characters:** Lisa Cuddy and Gregory House.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own nor make any claim to the television show House, M.D. or any related characters. Those rights are property of David Shore, Katie Jacobs, Bryan Singer Et al, and the Fox Television Network.

**Synopsis:** A scene on a particular difficult day for Lisa Cuddy. Set during the current season five between the episodes "Joy to the World" and "Painless." Cuddy is questioning and reflecting on the current choices she has made recently and the new direction her life is now taking.

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Lisa Cuddy opened the door to her office and quickly shut it behind her. She stood with her back to the door, figuratively hoping that her body would act as a dead weight preventing anyone from coming in. She allowed a long pent up sigh to escape from her. She hoped by letting out her breath that she would be able to release the hurricane of feelings, emotions, exhaustion, trepidations, annoyances and anxieties that had been attacking her all day. Today was a day that would not end. It contained an avalanche of problems, one right after the other. The hospital had lost four key donors, the hospital was over budget, two of her best doctors were had been found to be incompetent and had just been sued, today! Of all days of days! If two of her doctors were being sued, it meant she was being sued. The hospital lawyer had just been explaining to her that due to the terms of the lawsuits and the charges listed within it, she was going to have to fire both doctors and pay the damages. It was just another wonderful day in her kingdom of Princeton Plainsboro Teaching Hospital.

Without a second thought, Cuddy locked the door to her office. She swiftly crossed the room and slammed her files down on her desk and took the phone off the hook. She needed a respite. Normally she could handle problems like this, but today and recent events prevented her from doing that. She looked out the window of her office and ran her hand up over her eyes and then into her hair, her left hand on her side for balance. She rested her right hand on the side of her face and rested her head there while a sigh of anxiety left her. She was suddenly transported back to her world history course, at Michigan State, after reminding herself of the story of Atlas, the Greek mythological story of the Titan god punished to hold up the world for all eternity. Try that and the management of a hospital, its current troubles, the constant attempted "management" of a certain doctor addicted to a legal but highly addictive opiate and all of his fellows whom she had secretly come to call "the acolytes." Oh yes House! Cuddy looked down at her watch and read the time, 11:20 Am. Yes, the day was still young enough for House to add his weight to the growing headache in the back of her brain. Cuddy plopped herself down in her chair, wanting to keep her focus on the scenery outside her window instead of the raging storm inside her hospital. She leaned back in the chair, resting her head against the top of the chair.

Oh Lisa, she moaned to herself, what are you getting yourself into thinking about House? She had known him for many years now. Back in college if she knew half of what she knew now she probably would not have gotten to know him or involved with him. But, even as far back then, she knew there was something about him. She knew Gregory House was capable of many things. He was after all devious, mischievous and sometimes a complete horror. But she never thought of him as being compassionate or sweet for that matter as she ran her hand across the surface of her desk, the desk that he had placed in her office for her. He came to her, kissed her because of her first adoption attempt had failed. That first adoption! Lisa had suffered many pains and heart shattering experiences before in her life, but she had never experienced soul shattering before. The moment she realized the girl wanted to keep the baby, she felt like her heart had been ripped out of her chest. Sadness was not a strong enough word to describe how she felt at the time. Cruelty was high on her list. And House helped her. _"He felt sorry for me. I thought he was indifferent to everyone."_ In a way, he restored her and helped her stand back up, all in one kiss.

Cuddy changed her sitting position and wished she had something that could help her through the day. Even her happy memories, her most recent, could not relieve her from her stress. She had more meetings coming in the next two hours, rounds, two lectures to give to medical students and at some point in the day would have to deal with House, his crazy ideas and medical theories and at the end of all it, she had a baby to take care of back home. Yes, her baby. She had decided to name her Rachel, the baby girl who was the product of a teenage pregnancy whose mother had died. The same girl she intended to adopt. Oh how would she be able to take care of the child when she got home? God, what if there were more days like this? Her days were constantly full of stress and anger. Was she asking for too much? She had wanted a baby for so long, to have a baby to care and love for and to carry on some piece of herself. It did not look like she would achieve that any where on the married front any time soon, so adopting seemed to be the next best thing. But would she really be able to handle it? So many of her plans had fallen apart in the past and become unachieved and disappeared. She remembered how she planned, longed to have a family of her own, a husband and everything. But that was a plan that just never came to fruition. Another plan, no a dream, to become a doctor took precedence. Then it was her dream to run a hospital, to be the very head of her field. Another dream came true – the youngest Dean of Medicine, and a woman, materialized. But, the family part, the one with a man who would be her husband and a baby never seemed to be realized. But the one constant that had always been with her, the dream part, was to have a baby.

Now she had one. But the question suddenly in front of her mind was could she really be a mother? She had this hospital to worry about, students, over seeing every department, taking care of her people, wondering what House would pull next, making sure that disinfectant distributors were filled, watching all of her doctor's asses to prevent lawsuits, preventing House from causing forty percent of the hospital's lawsuits, making sure protocol is followed, the transplant committee, board meetings, treating patients, clinic hours. Good God, how would she be able to take care of a baby? She barely had any time for herself. But, she was okay, if she could take care of herself, she could take care of a baby. Couldn't she?

How well have you been able to hold up under the pressures of today? She asked herself as she allowed her memory to wash through her mind and her mind was suddenly filled with people yelling at her, donors always wanting to make sure that their names were proudly displayed and the amounts of money duly documented and published, trying to rein House in, dirty old or sexist men making snide comments about her figure and her position. God how she hated days like that. Some times House's antics were a welcome relief to those kinds of situations. Enough about House! Cuddy scolded herself. The question really was how would she be able to take care of a baby? How would she be able to be there for Rachel if she stubbed her toe or got her first cut! Cuddy ran her hand over her forehead. How would she, could she be able to connect, how would she be able to relate to a baby?

Cuddy looked up from her desk to the sound of her door unlocking and being pushed open. Gregory House stepped in quickly, trying to compensate his weight so that it was not fully on his right leg.

"The door was locked how did you get in?" Cuddy asked tired and in amazed surprise. House closed the door behind him, turned and held up his hand, the sound of keys clinking together was heard from the motion of his arm.

"I have an extra set." House replied. Cuddy lowered her head in an almost defeated stance causing it to almost collide with the desk top. Of course he had a spare key to her office. How else was he able to get into her locked office so many times in the past? She sighed tensely and straightened in her chair and raised her head, prepared for what ever crazy request House had this time. House took up the seat in front of the desk on her left side. He sat down with a large exhale of air, relieved to finally be sitting, taking the pressure off his leg. He crossed his cane in front of him and practically stared off into space. Cuddy looked at him annoyed as she held her chin in the palm of her hand. The last time he walked in and sat down, without immediately saying a word, he had highered more than twenty people to fill a three person job. She was afraid to ask what kinds of insanity he had in store for her, what with the day she was having.

"Why are you here?" She finally asked him.

"I'm bored." House said in a low playfully depressed voice.

"Then go be bored in your office."

"Can't, don't have a case."

"Then bother your team."

"Team is doing paper work. Very boring."

"Then go work in the clinic."

"Already did that."

"What? You never do clinic hours."

"Well, did 'em this time. Was bored the whole time while doing that too."

"Then why are you here?" Cuddy asked some what exasperated.

"I want to be bored in here now." House said with a play of childishness in his voice and a bit of cheer. Cuddy let out a disgusted breath, un-amused by his immaturity. "Will you get out and just leave me alone." Cuddy ordered.

House turned and tilted his head side ways, taking note of the vehemence and lack of, how should he put it? Passion? Yes, passion seemed to be lacking in Cuddy's words. She did not sound as she usually sounded when she was ordering him out of her office in the past. She sounded more exasperated. He realized that she did not want to play the game. Which he found to be unusual because her professionalism, to him anyway, was always the signal that she was up for anything he could think of and throw at her. That same professionalism was missing today. House raised an eyebrow, what was happening today he wondered?

"My you're not your usual jolly self. Is it that time of the month?" House queried

"No you sarcastic ass! I'm busy! Now get your ass, your ego and your insensitivity out of my office."

"That's a tough order to handle all in one go, Cuddy. It would require three trips." Cuddy's clawed hand immediately went to her head, she almost wanted to pull a patch of hair out, but she stopped herself, almost ready to scream. House could figuratively see the steam leave her ears. "Okay, okay, I'm going." House said as he picked himself up and headed for the door.

"Take something stronger to cool down that period of yours, mistress." House said snidely as he clamped his hand down on the door knob.

"YOU unbelievable, evil, insensitive, unfeeling, impotent bastard!" Cuddy said with a venom so vehemently that it sounded as if it were treaded up from the lowest, dankest and coldest area of Hell itself. Gregory House turned sharply and unabashed.

"Impotent? Never." House replied, but it lacked sarcasm. Not his best retort, but unfortunately it hung in the air, bouncing off Cuddy's rage like a feather on a metal shield. This was far more than passion. This was something new he had not seen in Cuddy before. Every aspect of her was alive. House quickly decided to keep his mouth shut. Cuddy seemed to absorb the remark and add it to a fire that was raging up from her being as like a volcano preparing to erupt.

"SHUT UP!" Cuddy yelled back at him as she knocked papers, ledgers and the monitor of her computer onto the floor. The monitor sparked and shut off. If words were a force of nature, then Cuddy's words would have hit House more powerful than a category five hurricane. House was surprised, he'd never seen Cuddy like this. "You can't honor one simple request for me. You just can't!" Cuddy said as she crossed the room toward him, her lab coat picking up air from the force of her stride. House thought for a moment he should back up, but Cuddy was instantly upon him and he had no where to move to. He wasn't scared of her, he'd never had been, but he stood in awed amazement as she trail blazed all over his defenses.

Cuddy had thought about yelling and screaming at him, but that would do no good. She was acting on emotion she knew, but something had been released, un-caged within her. So she decided to take it out on the objects on her desk instead of burning out her throat. Normally she would have stopped after yelling or throwing something, but she found she could not stop. Before she knew it, she was crossing the room, saying something at House, trying to shoot as much poison at him as she could muster. She did not even have time to register the amazement that she caused in House. She actually had stunned him into silence. She stared him right in the eye, hers filled with fiery anger. "Everything is just for your own sick demented amusement isn't it! I cannot believe the things I have allowed you to get away with! You unmitigated, narcissistic, self centered bastard! How dare you! How dare you groove off and sponge off the pains of so many people. Of me! You think everything is a lie! You think life is a lie! You strut around here and have no respect for the people who try to help you, for the people who want to do some good. You have no respect for the people here or what it takes to run this place. And still, you choose day, after, day after day, to do what you can to bring some kind of misery to some person's life. To my life! Do you have any kind of respect for the kinds of choices people make to be happy and to find a little peace?"

House stood in stunned silence. Staring at the mad passionate woman in front of him. He had heard from around the hospital that Cuddy was having one too many run ins with Murphy's Law today. He always knew that Cuddy was someone who just had too many priorities mixed together. And here was the result of that, a mad passionate woman full of rage. This day seemed to have exposed areas where she was most exposed and vulnerable. It probably would be akin to her own world collapsing around on her. Her world that she loved, medicine, the hospital, it was all betraying her today. With all of these priorities and responsibilities in her life, he wondered just how taking care of a new born baby would be able to fit into all of that.

He saw that she was no longer yelling at him and he stared her right in the eye. The way she looked, her rage had subsided into anger. She was heaving, her angry rant took up a lot of oxygen. Her face was red and her eyes seemed to be glazed with tears welling in her eyes. The way she looked reminded him of the night he went to see her when she lost the first adopted baby. She had been so broken, even that night she took her pain and anger, which was like shattered glass, and thrown it at him. But this was different, this was anger pure and simple. Cuddy could take a lot he knew, but what he did not know very well were her breaking points. The night she lost the first baby was such a breaking point. And for what ever reason, that he had not deduced yet, the only way he thought he could help her was to kiss her. He allowed for one moment to let his defenses down. He described the chasm between them once as being the Great Wall of China, but for that instant, for her, he crossed the wall. Because he could relate, he understood what it was like to have your whole world ripped out from under your feet like a rug. For him, it was like his life had collapsed like a building onto its foundation. Knowing Cuddy, no doubt that she allowed the changes, challenges and problems of her day to all at once get to her. This outburst was the result of it. House considered for a moment if the same method from before, a kiss, would help. But, he immediately ruled it out. No, do not do that to her. Not in the state that she's in now. Do not add to her confusion, just do not do that to her. She had already tried to reach out to him, to appeal to his kindness, but he had rejected it. He was a dead weight and she deserved so much more than he was able to offer then what she wanted.

Lisa felt her emotion, her anger slowly slip away and with no doubt, she knew House would see her vulnerability and how quickly she felt herself become weak in front of him. Her anger was nothing more than like a bomb going off and its affects, its dust, was already beginning to settle revealing more and more its damage, more so to herself than to him. But, through her welling eyes, Cuddy saw something that she did not expect. There was no pleasure in House's face. Instead the look on House's face was similar to the look the night he came to see her. It was a look of surprise mixed with small pockets of concern. The thought of him kissing her again crossed her mind, but then she saw something that she had not seen before. A window into who House was. For a moment, she could see shining through the shattered and broken elements of House and saw a man who was once whole. Part of a man she recognized who use to sit next to her in a classroom. She knew back then that he was considered to be a legend, he was quite brilliant, but she knew it was not just his leg that had shattered him into someone who was becoming more and more unrecognizable each day. It was something else long ago that broke -no- shattered Gregory House into the man he was today. His infarction only grounded the shards into dust and the drugs rained acid and contempt into the very core of his being. But today shining haphazardly through the storm, a remnant of Gregory House, his humanity, was looking back at her.

Something also felt different as well. Lisa could feel herself calming down, some wet tears came from her eyes, but she was returning to normal. She had a chance to study House's face more closely as the shards that she saw slowly fade away and signs of age, decay and new strokes of contempt slowly draw themselves on to House's face. It was as if the burdens of his own life suddenly began to weigh more and more on him. He placed more weight on his cane and grimaced with a new wave of pain radiating over his body. Cuddy could see dark circles under his eyes, many wrinkles and more gray and white was showing more and more in the hair of his scruffy face and his uncombed and messy hair. She let out a sigh and covered the lower half of her face with both her hands. She breathed and turned from House, upset with what she had done. She took hold of the back of the seat and balanced herself. House lowered his head, unsure of what to do now. "I'm sorry." Cuddy said upset. House knew he could conjure up something just as terrible or even worse then what Cuddy had said to him. But he did not, he found he could not or did not want to. He knew it was one of those times not to.

Cuddy sighed, upset and tired. She held a hand over her stomach and turned to look back at House. A frown and sadness covered her face. "I'm sorry, House." Cuddy said again. House leaned harder, putting more weight on his cane. "Don't be. Nothing new that you didn't say and probably justified considering." House replied meekly.

"No, I…"

"Cuddy, forget it."

"But I…"

"I said forget it. Besides, I probably deserved it. Cosmic balances, scales and everything. That is what a majority of people believe in anyway right? Forget it." Cuddy shook her head in acceptance, a small smile now on her face. She placed both hands behind her and leaned against the back of one of her visitor chairs. House turned to place his hand on the door knob once more to leave, but hesitated for a moment. He looked back at Cuddy and saw that she was still upset. "Are you going to make it through the day?" House asked.

"It's going to be a long day." Cuddy replied. House shook his head. He went to move out the door again, but stopped himself. "Wilson was telling me that your adoption was moving along well."

"Yes, it is. I'm going to be inspected by foster services in a few weeks." Cuddy replied. House shook his head. Cuddy looked to her left and then back at House. "I'm a little nervous." She told him. House lowered his head for a moment and looked at the floor. He lifted his gaze and looked back at Cuddy. He limped forward toward her, Cuddy stood up straight, wondering what he was doing. He reached forward and took her arm until he was standing in front of her. His hand moved from her arm and he pulled her into an embrace.

Cuddy was surprised that House was hugging her. She lightly placed her hands on his back accepting his embrace. She exhaled a breath, surprised by his comforting gesture. She felt more and more of her stresses leave her body. It was almost as if House were draining it from her and taking all of it on to himself. He released her after a moment, placing his hand on her arm. "Don't be nervous." He told her. House turned and limped back toward the door, taking hold of the knob and turning it. Cuddy was over come by his gesture. Cuddy was speechless, "What?" was all she managed to say. House turned his head to look back at her, "Don't you deserve some happiness?" House said. He then promptly opened the door and stalked out as fast as he could. He walked out the main doors that led to her office and quickly reached into his pocket and removed his prescription bottle. His leg was suddenly killing him. He poured the contents of the bottle into his left hand and threw the pills into his mouth, swallowing them whole. He then stalked to the elevators, he needed to sit down.

Cuddy stood stunned, remembering the feel of his embrace. Another side of House had materialized in front of her. "He comforted me." Cuddy said out loud to herself. Cuddy was unsure what to do and looked back and forth across her office. She stood up straight and then looked at her watch. She saw that it was time to get back to her day. But, she found that she was ready for it, that she could go on. She stretched across her desk and hung up the phone and grabbed the files she had placed there before. She looked at her now broken monitor, picked it up and placed it back on the desk. The other files that were strewn on the floor were going to have to remain there. She looked out the doors, took in a breath and practically charged toward them, opening it and stepped back into her hospital, ready to take on anything.


End file.
